weresingle again?
They would start meeting new women, go ondates, and once they found a woman they liked andwere very attracted to, they'd spend most of theirtime with this one woman.
And they would do something else...
They'd stop dating any other women they mighthave met and move into another relationship, eventhough they had just ended a relationship withanother women they felt strongly for because theydidn't want a "serious relationship."
It almost didn't make sense when I firststarted to recognize this pattern.
But keep in mind, even though these thingsdon't always make sense to women, they makePERFECT sense to the men going through them.
Does this situation with men ever frustrate youor leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE whatthey're doing?
Here's the problem...
When a man says one of these things, heactually MEANS something that is different fromwhat a woman would mean if she said the samewords.
Let me explain.
If a woman says, "I'm going to stay home andrelax today," she probably means that she's goingto stay home, make sure that her house and life isin order, catch up on chores and bills, and thenmaybe watch some shows on tv.
If a MAN says that he's going to stay home andrelax, he's probably going to watch some sports,drink beer, look at pictures of women on theinternet, and order take-out food.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this rightnow and you are a woman who watches sports, drinksbeer, looks at pictures of women on the internet,and orders take out to relax, then contact meimmediately at the email address below.
Ok, enough kidding around.
Back to our topic...
Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the wordsthey use often don't mean what they SOUND likethey mean.
So, the FIRST thing that you have to getthrough your head is that just because a man SAYSsomething to you, it doesn't always mean what youTHINK it means.
Catch my meaning?
THE BIG SECRET HE ISN'T TELLING YOU
There's a secret that men never happen tomention about what they want with a woman, whythey date, and what it means for them to have arelationship.
Unfortunately, for the good women who aretrying to create a great relationship with aman... and hoping that if they try hard enough tomake him happy with them so he'll stay... thislittle secret is causing a LOT of pain andfrustration.
The SECRET is that most men DO want arelationship with an amazing woman.
BUT... (and this is an important insight - itmight take you a few hours, days, or even weeks tostart to understand it for yourself)
Men only want a relationship with a woman whoalready has about 100 other qualities that theynever mention and could probably never list ordescribe even if they were asked to.
And they'll only end up emotionally involvedand not RESISTING a long term relationship if theyexperience for themselves a woman who proves shehas these qualities over time.
In other words, if a man says, "I need to bealone right now," what he REALLY means is:
I want a woman who will make me FEEL betterwhen I'm with her than I do in my everyday life asa single man.
The REALITY is that when a man says one ofthese "I want my freedom" statements, he actuallyhas an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who heis and won't make it feel like "work" when he'swith her.
A man wants a woman who knows how to have andenjoy a relationship... instead of one who spendsher time and energy trying to analyze, worry about, and "fix" things.
The reality of this situation is that what aman REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feelMORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I liketo call ATTRACTION... and LESS of the worry andconfusion that men don't often like, or know howto deal with, that comes from "working" on aserious relationship.
For most men, feeling and sharing attraction ona physical and emotional level IS the defintion ofa good relationship.
Of course, I'm not just talking about thecommon "short-term" kind of attraction that'smostly physical...
You already know that a relationship takes awhole lot more than just this kind of thing toreally work and LAST.
I'm also talking about the more "long-term"kind of attraction that comes from a deeperEMOTIONAL connection and understanding.
A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great,both when he's with her... AND when he's alone.
In other words, they want a woman who knows howto be loving and affectionate, but independent atthe same time.
But most men either can't describe the thingsthat actually make them feel this kind ofCONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or theydon't WANT to have to describe it to a woman,because they want a woman who already IS thosethings... without having to learn them.
Think about it.
If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you wantone that said, "Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Justgive me some time to learn..." or would you wantone that already KNEW how to protect and defendat anytime, anywhere without having to "learn"?
Duh.
Well, the same goes with men.
They don't WANT a woman they have to train.
The last thing a man wants to do, is to take awoman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand thesethings, and show her what they are and how theywork.
If you don't already know how to relate to aman in a way that appeals to him and shows himthat you "get" all these things, then no amount of"talking things through" or trying to improvethings together is going to help you or make himstart seeing you as the woman he wants to staywith.
WHAT IS A "COOL GIRL"?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ideaof a "Cool Girl."
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
You can download it here and be reading it injust a minute:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE
Now, there's a common and often irreversiblemistake that women make with men when they'redating and in relationships.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are physical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it often.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I don't want a serious relationship right now."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman whoalready has her act together, is attractive,healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, andwho is emotionally in control of herself and herown life. When we're together I want her to shareher feelings and challenge and inspire me to keepher love and interest, and to be a great man...but I also want her to know how to do this withouttrying to change me or turning our relationshipinto MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on myown."
Does this make sense?
Again, he's NOT imagining a picture of anoverly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who istrying to get him to connect with her and sharingher feelings because she's so worried about things"working out."
Big difference.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I want an independent woman."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a woman who doesn't get upset about pettythings and who knows how to keep her head whenthings get tough or confusing. But, I also wanther to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1.She doesn't repress her emotions and end up morefrustrated and resentful of me, and... 2. Whenshe's alone and intimate with me, she's open and"present"... and she'll share her love andaffection freely."
What a man is NOT doing is making a picture ofa passive woman whose entire mood and state ofmind is dependent on what she thinks is the stateof her relationship and what it means that a mandid or said something.
WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a guy who doesn't talk all the time,because he knows how to let me know what's on hismind without using words. I want the kind of guythat can touch me in a certain way and I feeltingles all over my body. And I want the kind ofguy that can say things in a way that Iunderstand... not crudely and man-like."
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AWOMAN
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you
Friday, October 3, 2008
ARE WE SINGLE AGAIN?
weresingle again?
They would start meeting new women, go ondates, and once they found a woman they liked andwere very attracted to, they'd spend most of theirtime with this one woman.
And they would do something else...
They'd stop dating any other women they mighthave met and move into another relationship, eventhough they had just ended a relationship withanother women they felt strongly for because theydidn't want a "serious relationship."
It almost didn't make sense when I firststarted to recognize this pattern.
But keep in mind, even though these thingsdon't always make sense to women, they makePERFECT sense to the men going through them.
Does this situation with men ever frustrate youor leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE whatthey're doing?
Here's the problem...
When a man says one of these things, heactually MEANS something that is different fromwhat a woman would mean if she said the samewords.
Let me explain.
If a woman says, "I'm going to stay home andrelax today," she probably means that she's goingto stay home, make sure that her house and life isin order, catch up on chores and bills, and thenmaybe watch some shows on tv.
If a MAN says that he's going to stay home andrelax, he's probably going to watch some sports,drink beer, look at pictures of women on theinternet, and order take-out food.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this rightnow and you are a woman who watches sports, drinksbeer, looks at pictures of women on the internet,and orders take out to relax, then contact meimmediately at the email address below.
Ok, enough kidding around.
Back to our topic...
Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the wordsthey use often don't mean what they SOUND likethey mean.
So, the FIRST thing that you have to getthrough your head is that just because a man SAYSsomething to you, it doesn't always mean what youTHINK it means.
Catch my meaning?
THE BIG SECRET HE ISN'T TELLING YOU
There's a secret that men never happen tomention about what they want with a woman, whythey date, and what it means for them to have arelationship.
Unfortunately, for the good women who aretrying to create a great relationship with aman... and hoping that if they try hard enough tomake him happy with them so he'll stay... thislittle secret is causing a LOT of pain andfrustration.
The SECRET is that most men DO want arelationship with an amazing woman.
BUT... (and this is an important insight - itmight take you a few hours, days, or even weeks tostart to understand it for yourself)
Men only want a relationship with a woman whoalready has about 100 other qualities that theynever mention and could probably never list ordescribe even if they were asked to.
And they'll only end up emotionally involvedand not RESISTING a long term relationship if theyexperience for themselves a woman who proves shehas these qualities over time.
In other words, if a man says, "I need to bealone right now," what he REALLY means is:
I want a woman who will make me FEEL betterwhen I'm with her than I do in my everyday life asa single man.
The REALITY is that when a man says one ofthese "I want my freedom" statements, he actuallyhas an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who heis and won't make it feel like "work" when he'swith her.
A man wants a woman who knows how to have andenjoy a relationship... instead of one who spendsher time and energy trying to analyze, worry about, and "fix" things.
The reality of this situation is that what aman REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feelMORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I liketo call ATTRACTION... and LESS of the worry andconfusion that men don't often like, or know howto deal with, that comes from "working" on aserious relationship.
For most men, feeling and sharing attraction ona physical and emotional level IS the defintion ofa good relationship.
Of course, I'm not just talking about thecommon "short-term" kind of attraction that'smostly physical...
You already know that a relationship takes awhole lot more than just this kind of thing toreally work and LAST.
I'm also talking about the more "long-term"kind of attraction that comes from a deeperEMOTIONAL connection and understanding.
A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great,both when he's with her... AND when he's alone.
In other words, they want a woman who knows howto be loving and affectionate, but independent atthe same time.
But most men either can't describe the thingsthat actually make them feel this kind ofCONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or theydon't WANT to have to describe it to a woman,because they want a woman who already IS thosethings... without having to learn them.
Think about it.
If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you wantone that said, "Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Justgive me some time to learn..." or would you wantone that already KNEW how to protect and defendat anytime, anywhere without having to "learn"?
Duh.
Well, the same goes with men.
They don't WANT a woman they have to train.
The last thing a man wants to do, is to take awoman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand thesethings, and show her what they are and how theywork.
If you don't already know how to relate to aman in a way that appeals to him and shows himthat you "get" all these things, then no amount of"talking things through" or trying to improvethings together is going to help you or make himstart seeing you as the woman he wants to staywith.
WHAT IS A "COOL GIRL"?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ideaof a "Cool Girl."
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
You can download it here and be reading it injust a minute:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE
Now, there's a common and often irreversiblemistake that women make with men when they'redating and in relationships.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are physical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it often.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I don't want a serious relationship right now."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman whoalready has her act together, is attractive,healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, andwho is emotionally in control of herself and herown life. When we're together I want her to shareher feelings and challenge and inspire me to keepher love and interest, and to be a great man...but I also want her to know how to do this withouttrying to change me or turning our relationshipinto MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on myown."
Does this make sense?
Again, he's NOT imagining a picture of anoverly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who istrying to get him to connect with her and sharingher feelings because she's so worried about things"working out."
Big difference.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I want an independent woman."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a woman who doesn't get upset about pettythings and who knows how to keep her head whenthings get tough or confusing. But, I also wanther to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1.She doesn't repress her emotions and end up morefrustrated and resentful of me, and... 2. Whenshe's alone and intimate with me, she's open and"present"... and she'll share her love andaffection freely."
What a man is NOT doing is making a picture ofa passive woman whose entire mood and state ofmind is dependent on what she thinks is the stateof her relationship and what it means that a mandid or said something.
WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a guy who doesn't talk all the time,because he knows how to let me know what's on hismind without using words. I want the kind of guythat can touch me in a certain way and I feeltingles all over my body. And I want the kind ofguy that can say things in a way that Iunderstand... not crudely and man-like."
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AWOMAN
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you
And they would do something else...
They'd stop dating any other women they mighthave met and move into another relationship, eventhough they had just ended a relationship withanother women they felt strongly for because theydidn't want a "serious relationship."
It almost didn't make sense when I firststarted to recognize this pattern.
But keep in mind, even though these thingsdon't always make sense to women, they makePERFECT sense to the men going through them.
Does this situation with men ever frustrate youor leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE whatthey're doing?
Here's the problem...
When a man says one of these things, heactually MEANS something that is different fromwhat a woman would mean if she said the samewords.
Let me explain.
If a woman says, "I'm going to stay home andrelax today," she probably means that she's goingto stay home, make sure that her house and life isin order, catch up on chores and bills, and thenmaybe watch some shows on tv.
If a MAN says that he's going to stay home andrelax, he's probably going to watch some sports,drink beer, look at pictures of women on theinternet, and order take-out food.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this rightnow and you are a woman who watches sports, drinksbeer, looks at pictures of women on the internet,and orders take out to relax, then contact meimmediately at the email address below.
Ok, enough kidding around.
Back to our topic...
Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the wordsthey use often don't mean what they SOUND likethey mean.
So, the FIRST thing that you have to getthrough your head is that just because a man SAYSsomething to you, it doesn't always mean what youTHINK it means.
Catch my meaning?
THE BIG SECRET HE ISN'T TELLING YOU
There's a secret that men never happen tomention about what they want with a woman, whythey date, and what it means for them to have arelationship.
Unfortunately, for the good women who aretrying to create a great relationship with aman... and hoping that if they try hard enough tomake him happy with them so he'll stay... thislittle secret is causing a LOT of pain andfrustration.
The SECRET is that most men DO want arelationship with an amazing woman.
BUT... (and this is an important insight - itmight take you a few hours, days, or even weeks tostart to understand it for yourself)
Men only want a relationship with a woman whoalready has about 100 other qualities that theynever mention and could probably never list ordescribe even if they were asked to.
And they'll only end up emotionally involvedand not RESISTING a long term relationship if theyexperience for themselves a woman who proves shehas these qualities over time.
In other words, if a man says, "I need to bealone right now," what he REALLY means is:
I want a woman who will make me FEEL betterwhen I'm with her than I do in my everyday life asa single man.
The REALITY is that when a man says one ofthese "I want my freedom" statements, he actuallyhas an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who heis and won't make it feel like "work" when he'swith her.
A man wants a woman who knows how to have andenjoy a relationship... instead of one who spendsher time and energy trying to analyze, worry about, and "fix" things.
The reality of this situation is that what aman REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feelMORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I liketo call ATTRACTION... and LESS of the worry andconfusion that men don't often like, or know howto deal with, that comes from "working" on aserious relationship.
For most men, feeling and sharing attraction ona physical and emotional level IS the defintion ofa good relationship.
Of course, I'm not just talking about thecommon "short-term" kind of attraction that'smostly physical...
You already know that a relationship takes awhole lot more than just this kind of thing toreally work and LAST.
I'm also talking about the more "long-term"kind of attraction that comes from a deeperEMOTIONAL connection and understanding.
A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great,both when he's with her... AND when he's alone.
In other words, they want a woman who knows howto be loving and affectionate, but independent atthe same time.
But most men either can't describe the thingsthat actually make them feel this kind ofCONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or theydon't WANT to have to describe it to a woman,because they want a woman who already IS thosethings... without having to learn them.
Think about it.
If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you wantone that said, "Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Justgive me some time to learn..." or would you wantone that already KNEW how to protect and defendat anytime, anywhere without having to "learn"?
Duh.
Well, the same goes with men.
They don't WANT a woman they have to train.
The last thing a man wants to do, is to take awoman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand thesethings, and show her what they are and how theywork.
If you don't already know how to relate to aman in a way that appeals to him and shows himthat you "get" all these things, then no amount of"talking things through" or trying to improvethings together is going to help you or make himstart seeing you as the woman he wants to staywith.
WHAT IS A "COOL GIRL"?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ideaof a "Cool Girl."
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
You can download it here and be reading it injust a minute:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE
Now, there's a common and often irreversiblemistake that women make with men when they'redating and in relationships.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are physical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it often.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I don't want a serious relationship right now."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman whoalready has her act together, is attractive,healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, andwho is emotionally in control of herself and herown life. When we're together I want her to shareher feelings and challenge and inspire me to keepher love and interest, and to be a great man...but I also want her to know how to do this withouttrying to change me or turning our relationshipinto MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on myown."
Does this make sense?
Again, he's NOT imagining a picture of anoverly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who istrying to get him to connect with her and sharingher feelings because she's so worried about things"working out."
Big difference.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I want an independent woman."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a woman who doesn't get upset about pettythings and who knows how to keep her head whenthings get tough or confusing. But, I also wanther to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1.She doesn't repress her emotions and end up morefrustrated and resentful of me, and... 2. Whenshe's alone and intimate with me, she's open and"present"... and she'll share her love andaffection freely."
What a man is NOT doing is making a picture ofa passive woman whose entire mood and state ofmind is dependent on what she thinks is the stateof her relationship and what it means that a mandid or said something.
WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a guy who doesn't talk all the time,because he knows how to let me know what's on hismind without using words. I want the kind of guythat can touch me in a certain way and I feeltingles all over my body. And I want the kind ofguy that can say things in a way that Iunderstand... not crudely and man-like."
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AWOMAN
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you
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